Christmas in July: Summer gift ideas for all 32 NHL teams

It’s Christmas in July, and I’ve decided to give each NHL team a hypothetical gift. Some presents are needed, while others are just for fun. And all are up for interpretation.

What should your favorite team have on its wishlist?

Anaheim Ducks

Gift: Trevor Zegras mic’d up.

Every game. Make Zegras the show in Anaheim. Because with the rebuild taking place under GM Pat Verbeek, it’s going to be several years before the Ducks are ready to contend. Until then, Zegras has the skill and personality to keep the SoCal fans engaged.

Arizona Coyotes

Gift: Something – anything – to believe in.

It’s been too long since fans in Arizona have had much to root for. Bad arena location in Glendale, a poor on-ice product – it’s been rough. The Coyotes need a new arena in Tempe in the worst way. And GM Bill Armstrong needs to make sure the latest rebuild pays off.

Boston Bruins

Gift: A do-over on Nick Foligno’s contract.

At $3.8 million, Foligno’s contract demands much more than the 13 points contributed this season. Granted, injuries have slowed down the rugged winger, but for a team like the Bruins desperately in need of depth scoring, his contract is a boat anchor.

Buffalo Sabres

Gift: Table smashing at center ice between periods.

Bills Mafia is notorious for destroying tables during NFL tailgate parties. Why not bring the fun inside KeyBank Center?

Calgary Flames

Gift: Johnny Hockey and Matthew Tkachuk signed to long-term contracts.

It won’t be enough to just sign Gaudreau. He might be the best free agent available this offseason, but the Flames need Tkachuk just as much. General manager Brad Treliving has said Calgary will do what it takes to re-sign Gaudreau. He can’t go back on those words.

Carolina Hurricanes

Gift: Filip Forsberg.

I love the ethos of the Hurricanes under coach Rod Brind’Amour. And Sebastien Aho is an incredible talent. But Carolina needs a star player capable of filling the net. Hello Mr. Forsberg, who just happens to be coming off a 42-goal season.

Chicago Blackhawks

Gift: A drama-free season.

The Blackhawks were rocked by scandal and poor on-ice performance in 2021-22. Chicago was a once proud Original Six franchise. But the Blackhawks are currently at rock bottom. A season without negative headlines would be their biggest win.

Colorado Avalanche

Gift: Lifetime unlimited golf, drinks, dinners, and luxury cars for all Avalanche players that take hometown discounts on their next contracts.

Captain Gabriel Landeskog already took the first haircut. Will Nazem Kadri and other pending UFA’s follow suit? The Avalanche need all the help they can get retaining core players. Colorado is a great place to live – with perks, it’s nearly unbeatable.

Columbus Blue Jackets

Gift: A PR firm that can sell the vastly underrated city of Columbus to potential free agents.

Maybe it’s my Midwestern upbringing along Highway 70. I always thought Columbus was very similar to my hometown of St. Louis. And I loved my brief time playing for the Blue Jackets. But Columbus is a tough sell to free agents. That needs to change: it’s a great place to live and raise a family.

Dallas Stars

Gift: Bubble wrap for the team’s goaltenders.

Ben Bishop was forced to retire before his contract was up due to a knee condition. Anton Khudobin missed almost all of the 2021-22 season due to injury. And Braden Holtby wasn’t able to finish the year. Let’s hope Jake Oettinger bucks the injury trend in ‘Big D.’

Detroit Red Wings

Gift: A reality show featuring GM Steve Yzerman.

I have no idea what’s going on in Yzerman’s head, other than a formulaic plan for success. It’ll never happen, but I’d love to see a camera crew follow Yzerman around. Maybe he reads Dickens novels in his spare time. Who knows? I sure don’t. Let’s find out.

Edmonton Oilers

Gift: Clarity from Mike Smith and Duncan Keith.

If both players choose not to play next season – despite a year left on their contracts – it gives the Oilers almost $8 million of cap space to play with. That’s a lot of dough for a club that needs quality depth signings.

Florida Panthers

Gift: A Kodak Black collaboration warmup song featuring members of the team.

What better way to get fans engaged? Drop that track ASAP. Kodak Black famously made a scene at a Panthers home game in January. He’s forever tied to the South Florida franchise. Cash in on it!

Los Angeles Kings

Gift: A full-time return to the Kings’ primary logo used from 1988 until 1998.

The current primary logo looks like someone drew graffiti on home plate at a baseball game. Bring back the logo Wayne Gretzky wore during his time in the City of Angels.

Minnesota Wild

Gift: An all-star season from Matthew Boldy.

Replacing the 85 points and 33 goals that just walked out the door with Kevin Fiala won’t be easy, but the Wild are banking on Boldy’s ascension. The 21-year old forward racked up 39 points in 47 games last season, and put up a point per game in the playoffs.

Montreal Canadiens

Gift: A captain.

Montreal was a different team this past season without Phillip Danault and Carey Price. But it really missed the leadership of Shea Weber. Who’s in charge of the Habs locker room? That question needs to be answered.

Nashville Predators

Gift: A backup goaltender for Juuse Saros.

Nashville only won seven games this season without Saros in net and the Preds got steamrolled by the Colorado Avalanche in the first round with him injured. Saros might be the heartbeat of the team, and he led the NHL in games played this season, but he needs help.

New Jersey Devils

Gift: An arena not in Newark.

I don’t know how to move an entire arena. It would probably take alien technology. But it’s a shame that a gorgeous facility like the Prudential Center is located in a place that makes every visiting player groan. And it’s a hard sell for free agents.

New York Islanders

Gift: Beards.

Yep. Facial hair. I said it. Let the players be themselves. Grow a handlebar mustache. Have a presence on social media. Allow the creativity to flow and see if it helps give some juice to the on-ice product. It can’t hurt.

New York Rangers

Gift: A 30-goal season from Alexis Lafreniere.

The first overall pick in the 2020 NHL Entry Draft scored 19 times in 79 games in his sophomore campaign, up from 12 in 56 games the previous year. If Lafreniere’s game continues to grow, watch out. Because Filip Chytil and Kaapo Kakko also showed marked signs of improvement during the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Ottawa Senators

Gift: Claude Giroux

I really believe that if Ottawa would spend to the cap on the right veteran players, the Senators could contend for a playoff spot next season. Landing Giroux, who lives there in the offseason, would be a major win for GM Pierre Dorion on and off the ice. Investing in Giroux would be a positive message to the fans. But Giroux showing his trust in the organization would mean even more.

Philadelphia Flyers

Gift: Young talent rising to the occasion.

The Flyers may have been banged up last year, but Philadelphia didn’t get much from within their system. Whether it’s Morgan Frost, Cam York, Noah Cates, Max Willman, Ronnie Attard, or Bobby Brink, someone needs to take advantage of the opportunity.

Pittsburgh Penguins

Gift: Marc-Andre Fleury.

Just make it happen. Bring ‘Flower’ home.

San Jose Sharks

Gift: The realization that the team needs a total rebuild.

I understand the desire to re-tool on the fly. But there’s currently no GM in place and the Sharks are buried under three huge contracts to underperforming defensemen. On top of that, San Jose just gave an eight-year extension to 28-year old Tomas Hertl. What’s the plan for the Sharks? I don’t know. And I’m not sure they do, either.

Seattle Kraken

Gift: A goaltending department.

The Kraken began their inaugural season with Andrew Allen as their goalie coach. After a disappointing season by the team’s netminders, he was let go. Now the Kraken have zero goalie coaches on staff, when most teams have three. Seattle is woefully behind the curve when it comes to goaltending.

St Louis Blues

Gift: Ville Husso.

It would truly be a gift because Husso will have suitors this off-season. The 27-year old carried the mail for the Blues during the regular season and turned a lot of heads. Goaltending was a position of strength for St. Louis down the stretch. It might take spending more than he wants to, but if GM Doug Armstrong can keep Husso in St. Louis, it would alleviate any questions in net.

Tampa Bay Lightning

Gift: A one-year membership in the jelly of the month club.

It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Tampa Bay has had plenty of good fortune lately. Might as well add a beautiful rhubarb jam to the cupboard.

Toronto Maple Leafs

Gift: A first-round bye in the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Is that possible? Six straight first-round losses for the Maple Leafs. And even if this season felt different, does it even matter? It’s like groundhog day. Send Toronto directly to the second round and see what happens. The NHL can do that, right?

Vancouver Canucks

Gift: A return to the black, yellow, and red uniforms with the flying skate logo.

I really like the colorway of the current Vancouver uniforms. Blue, green, and white is a unique combination. It’s classy. But the logo – an orca breaking out of the letter C – looks goofy. Go back to the black jerseys for good. They look mean. Walt from Slap Shot would approve.

Vegas Golden Knights

Gift: A top-tier power play.

Vegas struggled mightily to score with the man advantage last season. If new head coach Bruce Cassidy can get the Golden Knights into the top third of the league on the power play, there’s no way Vegas misses the playoffs..

Washington Capitals

Gift: J.T. Miller.

With Nicklas Backstrom out indefinitely and no guarantee that he’ll be able to resume his Hall of Fame-worthy career, the Capitals need a scoring-line center. It would take a sizable offer to pry Miller out of Vancouver, but it might be a necessity.

Winnipeg Jets

Gift: Snowmobiles.

Even the offer of free beer for life couldn’t entice Barry Trotz to take the head coaching job. At least they could entice Rick Bowness. Winnipeg is a fun city even if it’s the coldest place I can remember. Maybe the team just needs a mandatory snowmobile excursion once a month. I’d sign up for that in a heartbeat.

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